


Temporary Muse

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekhyun is a softie, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Protect Kyungsoo, Romance, Slice of Life, Strangers to Lovers, Writer Byun Baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:15:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kyungsoo stared at Baekhyun, this strange man he barely knew, and yet being with him, his arm brushing against his as they walked, felt more familiar than anything Kyungsoo had ever felt.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O
Comments: 23
Kudos: 66





	Temporary Muse

Writing, it seemed, was the only career path for Baekhyun. He had a way with words. Always slotting them in their right places, pure logic and mathematics, like solving a big equation. His writing friends always told him that was a strange way to view such a creative process. Baekhyun liked that words made sense to him. He found order in the chaos of it all.

The constant bustle around him seemed to stop when he met Kyungsoo.

It was a Thursday afternoon. Not the best day of the week. So close yet so far away from the weekend. Baekhyun didn't like Thursdays, they made him feel gloomy.

He was out on the town, looking for trouble. Writing was easy for him - just pick the right words and put them in the right places. But it had started to get boring. And Baekhyun couldn't afford to get bored. His publisher was pressuring him to finish a new book.

"It's been two years," Junmyeon had said, gripping his planner, "It's been two years since you're published a book. C'mon Baek, give us something."

Baekhyun knew he had what it took to create a hit. He'd perfected the formula for a best seller when he first started writing. Hitting all the nails in the coffin. Putting into paper what the people wanted to read. 

Rights words, in the right order, for the right people. He was tired of that routine. Writing had become mind-numbing.

Baekhyun walked into the local library for the first time in 4 years. It looked exactly like it did the last time he had crossed that threshold. Perhaps familiarity was exactly what Baekhyun needed.

Kyungsoo had noticed him first, raising his eyes from the book he was reading. Baekhyun quickly took notice of the wide eyes that followed him as he walked up to a shelf. He was used to being watched, and he basked in the attention, liking the way it prickled his skin and made his heart race. 

Pretending to read the titles of the hardcovers in front of him, Baekhyun looked at the mysterious watcher in his peripheral vision. He was still looking. 

Kyungsoo was enraptured by the bronze haired stranger. Something about the way he carried himself, felt familiar yet foreign to Kyungsoo. Like a long-lost childhood friend, you grew apart from. You used to know them, but you don't anymore. 

The titles in front of Baekhyun seemed to blur and he stepped away from the imposing shelves of the library. The observing stranger's stare had left his back, but Baekhyun had fallen victim to his trap. Walking up to the table Kyungsoo was sitting at had felt like an arduous climb. Pocketing his hands, in order to seem more relaxed, Baekhyun stopped right in front of the man.

"Can I sit here?"

Big brown eyes stared back at him, curious yet guarded. "It's a public library, you can sit wherever you want."

Grinning back at the man, Baekhyun settled on the chair perpendicular to him. The man watched him sit down, inquisitive eyes following his every move.

"You stare a lot." Tact was something Baekhyun severely lacked, but the stranger didn't seem to mind.

"I know." Baekhyun stared, waiting for the man to elaborate, but all he did was raise a strong brow; almost challenging him to question him.

The corners of Baekhyun's lips lifted. He had found his newest test subject. "I'm Baekhyun"

"Kyungsoo."

*

Kyungsoo, Baekhyun had found, was a radio producer. Taking pleasure in sitting behind a glass pane, observing, calculating- making sure everything went according to plan. He enjoyed order, Baekhyun liked that about him.

That Thursday afternoon, Baekhyun had sat and watched Kyungsoo read. He left the library with a new number added to his phone.

Perhaps Kyungsoo had been bored, trusting the stranger he had met at the library to bring some turmoil to his otherwise orderly life.

Baekhyun arranged their first meeting at a bar. Alcohol and the feeling of claustrophobia always brought people closer. He wanted to get closer to Kyungsoo. Wanted to know why he hindered his curious nature.

Baekhyun arrived 20 minutes late, even though he was the one who had planned everything. Upon his tardy arrival, he didn't apologise, merely patting Kyungsoo on the back and ordering them both a beer. Kyungsoo found he didn't quite mind Bakhyun's lack of manners.

Kyungsoo was an attractive man. Baekhyun was extremely aware of it. He couldn't help watching Kyungsoo's lips as he talked, wanting to commit every movement to memory. Kyungsoo wasn't a talker, but when he did speak, he did it with purpose. Baekhyun was all about exteriorising everything. Always speaking what came to mind. His words didn't hold much meaning, he saved that for his bestsellers.

That night at the bar they talked until dawn, stumbling down the street to Kyungsoo's apartment where they shared a bed for the first time. The next morning, Baekhyun had woken up first, ignoring his hungover to drink in Kyungsoo's sleeping face. He mapped out the slope of his nose with his eyes, imagining how it would feel to touch the sturdy bridge. He almost allowed himself the pleasure of running his fingers through the soft face in front of him. It would have been a bittersweet experience, for Baekhyun knew he wouldn't be able to fully enjoy it yet. Baekhyun chose instead to leave his newest friend's apartment, leaving nothing behind but a note on the kitchen counter. Kyungsoo felt like he just had a one-night stand.

Their second meeting was prompted by Kyungsoo, who had gotten sick of going to the cinema alone. Friends flowed in and out of Kyungsoo's life, never staying for long. He was fine with it, never quite having what it took to maintain a friendship. People always asked for too much. Kyungsoo wasn't good at giving, so he felt bad about taking. 

Baekhyun had been sitting at home staring at a blank document when Kyungsoo called him and he immediately jumped at the opportunity of leaving his house and his responsibilities behind.

While the latest superhero movie played on the big screen, Bakehyun watched the way the colours danced on Kyungsoo's face. 

Kyungsoo turned to him with a small grin. "You stare a lot." Baekhyun smiled back, recalling their first meeting.

"Blue looks good on you."

"Uh?" Kyungsoo looked like a confused puppy, tilting his head inquisitively.

"When that muscly dude shows up on the screen, the blue of his suit reflects on your face, and it makes you look like a painting."

A soft palm touched Baekhyun's cheek, pushing his head to face the screen. "Stop being weird and watch the movie."

Baekhyun did not watch the movie, more preoccupied with mentally counting the moles on Kyungsoo's neck. He wished he could trace the path they made with his fingers but held himself back once again. For now, Kyungsoo would be the painting behind the glass casing- available to admire but never to touch. Baekhyun hoped someday he would get to touch.

*

They had stopped counting how many times they had met, both becoming important parts of each other's lives. 

Two lonely souls that found comfort in each other. Baekhyun who was always surrounded by many felt isolated in crowds; Never feeling like he truly belonged. Kyungsoo who shunned any type of relationship, never knowing how to handle people and their complexities; Scared to try.

If you asked Kyungsoo why he was giving Baekhyun a chance despite everything, he wouldn't know what to answer you. Maybe it was the other's charming grin or the way he always knew when to respect and when to push Kyungsoo's unspoken boundaries.

The night found them at the local market. Baekhyun had begged Kyungsoo to accompany him, leaving out the part where his own friends had invited him to come with them (he had declined in hopes of being able to persuade Kyungsoo).

Colourful flashy stands, selling an assortment of different things, surrounded the pair, smiling merchants chatting up passersby. Baekhyun was munching on a kebab, sauce dripping down his chin.

"You eat like an animal." Kyungsoo pointed out with a grimace.

"It's one of my most endearing traits." Baekhyun attempted to respond with his mouth full of food.

"And who told you that? Your mom?"

"Mrs Byun would kill me if she saw me acting like this in front of my date." As soon as the dreaded word left his lips, Baekhyun froze. Amused at his reaction, Kyungsoo reached up to wipe his dirty chin with a tissue. "Stop behaving like an animal and I might consider this a date."

At the younger's words, Baekhyun visibly relaxed, wiping what Kyungsoo had missed. He took out his phone, checking his reflection in the screen, brushing a stray bang behind his ear. 

Kyungsoo stared at Baekhyun, this strange man he barely knew, and yet being with him, his arm brushing against his as they walked, felt more familiar than anything Kyungsoo had ever felt. He relished in that familiarity- it made him feel safe.

"Wanna check out that stand over there?" The eldest of the two pointed to a small trinket stand that sat in a far off corner away from the main bustle of the night market.

Together they walked to stand, Baekhyun immediately perking up at the treasures he encountered. Small music boxes, rusty picture frames, broken alarm clocks and old stuffed animals were a few of the items dotting the stand. It seemed to be an antique stand, an older lady greeting them with a kind smile.

While Baekhyun conversed with the woman, Kyungsoo's eyes perused the table in front of them. His gaze fell upon a small blue music box. It reminded him of his great-grandma, whom he spent his summers with until she eventually passed away when he was 12. She had been a calming presence during his otherwise anxiety-ridden youth. When Kyungsoo was a child, he used to countdown the days until he could leave his city life for the comfort of his grandma's place. Her house sat on top of a hill- a secluded haven, where he could read in peace without having his parents nag at him to socialise or having his friends bother him. Little Kyungsoo hadn't developed an aversion to friendships yet, but he quickly grew into it. Grandma used to sit next to him knitting while he read in the garden. They didn't talk a lot, he wasn't sure if she could talk much at all, but they kept each other company through the July heatwaves.

While he reminisced, Kyungsoo failed to see Baekhyun reach for the music box, only snapping out of his trance when the other shook him.

"What were you saying? I'm sorry I zoned out." Baekhyun giggled at the adorable sight in front of him. "I said, wanna head to those benches we spotted near the entry?"

Biding their goodbyes to the shopkeeper, the pair walked to their destination. 

"Say, if I hypothetically held your hand, would you punch me?" Baekhyun had been eyeing Kyungsoo's right hand all night, conjuring up various scenarios in which he asked the dark-haired male to hold his hand - in the end, he went for a direct approach.

"Well, when you ask so politely who am I to say no to you?" And with that, Kyungsoo took the elder's hand in his. 

While the shorter of the two kept walking as if nothing had happened, Baekhyun was quietly trying to not freak out at how soft and right Kyungsoo's hands felt in his.

They chatted amicably while they strolled, weaving through the people around them as if they were on their own little bubble.

The bench area was deserted, most people still walking around the market, and Baekhyun was thankful for that. He enjoyed the silences he shared with Kyungsoo.

"I got you something." 

"Uh? You got me something?" Kyungsoo did his head tilt thing and Baekhyun had to physically restrain himself from squealing. 

Reaching for his coat pocket, he took out a small box and handed it to the other with a shy smile. "I saw you eyeing it at that stand."

Kyungsoo accepted the box wordlessly, slowly opening it. 

Warmth spread across his chest when he spotted the small music box. The faded blue box was decorated with small sculpted roses, some of which had lost some petals, a big painted rose adorned the lid. Carefully opening it, he spotted the small ballerina- identical to the one in his great-grandma's box. The resulting smile took Baekhyun's breath away, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Thank you. You didn't need to Baekhyun." A faint blush adorned Kyungsoo's plump cheeks, and Baekhyun couldn't wait to get home so he could write about it.

"Don't sweat it. You seemed to like it, so I got it for you." Before he could register it, soft lips touched his cheek - a silent thank you.

And as Kyungsoo's happily inspected the music box, Baekhyun watched him. He knew the younger loved cinema, but he couldn't quite understand why, since he was much more entertaining to watch. When Kyungsoo finally got the thing to work, he watched marvelled at the spinning ballerina, a youthful glint in his eyes; It was like he had gone back in time. His plump lips stretched into a wide grin, forming a heart. It had been the first time Baekhyun had witnessed the heart-shaped smile, and he wished he could freeze that moment in time to store it in his brain, just as it was now; Not tampered by his wavering memory, he wanted to remember it as pure and as beautiful as it was in that instant.

*

The first time it happened they were just coming back from the cinema. It had become routine for them to watch movies together. Kyungsoo had been overjoyed to have someone to take to the cinema. Even if all Baekhyun did was stare at him, the company was welcomed. 

The movie had been pleasant, Baekhyun had watched at least 20 minutes of it before the mole on Kyungsoo's upper lip become more interesting. All night he had been feeling a sharp pain in his chest like someone was poking his heart with a needle. He felt that a lot around Kyungsoo. 

They were walking back to Baekhyun's apartment to have dinner, their giggles echoing through the empty alleyways. Kyungsoo looked absolutely radiant, talking animatedly about what they had just watched. Baekhyun could only stare, humming at the appropriate times in order not to alert Kyungsoo to his current predicament.

If you had asked him to describe Kyungsoo in one word he would've told you that was impossible. Kyungsoo was too much to be contained in only one word. 

He was beautiful. Dark eyes and dark brows added masculinity to his otherwise soft face. Pink cushiony lips, that Baekhyun would kill to have the chance to kiss. Silky, untouched strands rivalled Bakehyun's bleached, damaged ones. He was the epitome of natural, like a forest nymph.

He was determined. Doing everything with persistence; From picking what movie to watch to planning out the radio's latest segment. He wouldn't give up until everything was just how he wanted it to be.

He was delicate, hiding behind a mask of stoicism. The younger boy had an air of innocence to him, always approaching the world with caution, but with childish curiosity.

Maybe Baekhyun was just a wordy writer, but that didn't make Kyungsoo any less complex.

But he could describe Kyungsoo's face when he kissed him that night, in just one word - delectable. Cheeks flushed, lips glistening, eyes wide - a heartstopping view. At that moment Baekhyun wished he had been a painter instead of a writer, so he could properly capture the sight in front of him.

All career-changing thoughts left him as Kyungsoo pulled Baekhyun back to his awaiting lips.

That evening hadn't changed much about their relationship. They still went to the movies together; still read at the library on Thursdays; still went out for lunch on Mondays. But now Baekhyun allowed himself to touch Kyungsoo's sleeping face - he was finally at the place he needed to be to fully cherish it.

Baekhyun liked flashy things and grand gestures. He loved hard and fast, having more than a fair share of passionate romances. Being with Kyungsoo taught him about the beauty in small things. Things that you had to pay attention to, had to truly cherish. Like the feel of Kyungsoo's soft lips on his skin, that left a burning trail as they travelled around his body; The weight of Kyungsoo's head on his lap, grounding him, keeping him sane; Or Kyungsoo's deep voice when he uttered his first words of the day, usually a 'good morning', reminding Baekhyun that he was the only one who saw him in his most vulnerable state. 

With these little fragments, Baekhyun constructed a masterpiece, adding them to his core; Letting Kyungsoo and everything that he was, mark him up permanently.

*

Before meeting Kyungsoo, Baekhyun had been a creature of the night. He did his best work when the sun was out, with nothing more but the bustle of the nightlife as his company. 

Kyungsoo taught him how to appreciate the first rays of sunlight that peeked through the curtains. He enjoyed how they sat on Kyungsoo's naked back those mornings they stayed in bed until lunchtime. 

The cold sheets cooled his naked skin as he laid on his side, taking in the sight that was sleepy Kyungsoo. In his most defenceless state, lazy smile and messy hair, the shorter male looked the most like himself. Kyungsoo was usually calculated stares and blank expressions, but Baekhyun knew that was only a small fraction of what made Kyungsoo so Kyungsoo.

"You stare a lot." It had become their thing. An inside joke, a token of reassurance - as if to say 'I know you see me'.

"You're quite the sight after morning sex." Baekhyun grinned, waiting for the blush he knew was coming. 

Kyungsoo groaned and hid his red face in the pillow. "Shut up. You're ruining my morning."

"I know you're lying. I make your mornings better. And you want to know why?" Baekhyun's heart was beating fast in his chest. He had never felt more alive.

"Why?"

"Because I'm the best version of myself when I'm with you. And that makes me so much more fun to hang out with."

Kyungsoo stared at him intently, as if trying to figure out where he was going with this.

"Ask me why I'm the best version of myself when I'm with you."

"Why?"

"Why what?" Baekhyun groaned when Kyungsoo slapped his chest. "Okay, jeez, I'm sorry." Pecking Kyungsoo on the nose, he grinned. "You have to ask me properly."

"Why are you the best version of yourself when you're with me?" Kyungsoo was amused, the corners of his mouth turned up, and it took Baekhyun's breath away

"Because I'm in love with you, silly."The silence that ensued was expected, but it still made Baekhyun's heart squeeze painfully. 

A loud groan rang through the silent bedroom, startling Baekhyun. Kyungsoo had his face shoved into his pillow and seemed to be bitting it. Coming up for air, he turned and flicked Baekhyun's forehead. "You're so cheesy. That was disgusting and I'm confiscating all your romcoms."

Relief washed over Baekhyun. "It's all your fault. If you weren't so gosh darn loveable I wouldn't be feeling this way."

"Me too, you know."

"Uh?"

"I'm in love with you too."

*

Baekhyun had been simply and utterly domesticated. If you told teenage Baekhyun that future him would be like this, sitting across from his boyfriend reading at a public library on a Thursday afternoon, he would've told you to lay off the bath salts. But here he was, 1984 on his lap, listening to the sound of Kyungsoo turning the pages of his novel, and absolutely loving it.

It didn't feel boring, it felt familiar. He cherished the silences he shared with Kyungsoo. Both of them inside their shared bubble, away from the rest of the world.

He looked at Kyungsoo across from him, focused on his book, glasses perched up on his nose, making him look older than he was. That thought took Baekhyun 50 years into the future, picturing Kyungsoo, wrinkly and probably bald, donning one of his ugly, but cosy, wool sweaters, reading a book on a Sunday afternoon. Which hadn't been the best idea since that led him to imagine how they'd look together, wrinkly and worn out, but still very much in love. He liked that thought very much. Authors and their premature infatuations.

Sensing his boyfriend's distracted state, Kyungsoo pulled his eyes away from the book he was immersed in. "Are you bored? I'm almost done for today if you wanna get going?" 

And the thing was, Baekhyun wasn't bored, which was a little surprising. He had never been much of a reader; He much prefered to write. Looking at other people's work was hard for a nitpicker like himself, always finding flaws in the stories, never truly enjoying the book. But seeing Kyungsoo enjoy books in the way he did, made him want to try too. To put himself in Kyungsoo's shoes. Try to see the world the way the fascinating man across from him did.

"I'm okay, just thinking. You can keep reading, darling." 

Kyungsoo smiled in return and averted his eyes back to the book. He looked the most beautiful like this.

Baekhyun found he could stare at Kyungsoo all day; He had noticed he tended to get caught up in his Kyungsoo bubbled a lot. Whenever they were with other people, and Kyungsoo spoke, rather than paying attention to what was going on around them, he solely focused on the dark-haired male. He had ingrained in his brain the way Kyungsoo's lips moved when he spoke. 

"You have touched your book in 10 minutes. What's got you so distracted?"

"Just thinking about you, darling"

Kyungsoo snorted. "Yeah, right. You're probably bored out of your mind. I told you we could do something else."

Baekhyun wouldn't trade his quiet afternoons with Kyungsoo for anything in the world. He used to loathe quiet and stillness, always adventurously going out of his way to avoid them. And he hadn't changed; He still loved partying and the chaoticness of the unknown. But he found himself adapting, moulding himself to fit into Kyungsoo's life. 

When you're with the one you love, you kind of turn into a chameleon. He noted Kyungsoo was like that too; The youngest didn't like crowded events, but pushed himself to attend Baekhyun's social gatherings, even finding himself enjoying the bustle of the parties. It was all about knowing when to concede. When being with the one you love became more important than your fears and measly preferences. It was about making small sacrifices.

Baekhyun reached across the table to boop Kyungsoo's nose. "I wouldn't trade these afternoons with you for anything in the world, my lovely Kyungsoo."

A disbelieving brow was the answer he got. "I'm serious!"

"I know you are. You're normally always twitching in your seat, but not when we're in here. It's like your sedated or something."

"I like having this joint bubble with you. It makes me feel at ease." And it did. He never felt more at peace than when he was with the other. And to someone who didn't know what peace was, that was oddly comforting.

*

Turns out that publishing houses expect their writers to, write. Baekhyun regretted every time he mocked his writing friends when they found themselves in a slump. Writing had always been easy for him. He felt like his trusty old formula no longer worked, and that irked him to no end.

He could write about pretty much everything. A song he heard on the radio could give him the inspiration to write a short story; A text message from a past lover was a seed that grew into a poem; An old picture, forgotten at the bottom of a shoebox, could give birth to many fantasy worlds.

It was new to him, the feeling of being stuck. The frustration seeped through him like waves. Kyungsoo watched with an amused expression as Baekhyun slammed his laptop shut with a huff.

"Kyungsoo, baby, come here. Kiss the pain away." Whinny Baekhyun was one of Kyungsoo's favourite Baekhyuns, something he would never admit out loud.

With a chuckle, Kyungsoo got up from the couch and approached Baekhyun who was sitting at his desk. Massaging the elder's shoulders, Kyungsoo rested his chin on top of Baekhyun's head.

"What's wrong? Still can't write?"

"I can write, it's just that it's shit. Like actual shit. I wouldn't make my worst enemy read this."

"Are you sure? I could email it to Jongdae." The airy chuckle he got in return put a smile on Kyungsoo's lips.

"Let me see." And with that, the dark-haired male plopped down on Baekhyun's lap and opened the laptop.

Baekhyun watched as his boyfriend skimmed the words in front of him, humming from time to time. The light from the screen reflected on Kyungsoo's tan skin adding a frosty glow to his face. 

"You're a liar."

"Uh?"

"This isn't shit. It's kind of different from your past works, but it's not shit. To the untrained eye, it's actually really good, just not Baekhyun-good." 

"Baekhyun good, uh? What exactly is Baekhyun-good?"

Kyungsoo stared at the older man, fondness etched onto his gaze, the corners of his lips standing proud. "Well, my dearest Baekhyunnie, Baekhyun-good is flowery bullshit but done well." 

"Hey!"The eldest of the two protested.

"Let me finish." Kyungsoo pecked the other's lips, offering him a big smile. "You use big beautiful words, but unlike other authors, it doesn't seem forced or stuck up. You know where to put them so they make sense and actually add to the overall piece. Flowery bullshit done well."

Baekhyun stared at the man in front of him, eyes roaming his face, jumping from his freckled nose to his big dark eyes, finally landing on his plump lips. The mole on his upper lip caught his eye. He could write a whole book about it. Maybe he would.

*

Kyungsoo was his muse. The partiture in which he wrote his best melodies. 

Junmyeon had been ecstatic after Baekhyun presented him with his latest draft. A 20 chapter ode to a nameless man and their relationship.

When Bakehyun first sat down to write, he had in mind to follow his usual formula. Big flowery words, carefully crafted and slotted into their right places. Success was guaranteed. He would get the publishing house off his back and maybe make it to the best selling list again. That thought felt somewhat bittersweet because if he was going to write about Kyungsoo he had to do it properly. Do him justice.

And justice he did. 

Kyungsoo hadn't been as ecstatic.  _ This Side of Paradise _ felt like an elaborate love confession that Kyungsoo would never be able to match up to. He wasn't an author. He didn't know how to write, he barely even knew how to speak. Baekhyun had always been a storyteller. Kyungsoo had always been a good listener. That was the natural order of things. He felt like he wasn't enough. He could never love as grandly as Baekhyun. He could never feel as intensely as Baekhyun did. He was a pit stop in Baekhyun's journey - a temporary muse.

Baekhyun knew Kyungsoo wasn't the wordiest of lovers. Kyungsoo's affection hid in small things. You might miss them if you weren't observing. Baekhyun usually had his head in the clouds, but not when it came to Kyungsoo. He watched him like a hawk. Always memorising the smallest details about the shorter man.

Kyungsoo's love hid in the good morning texts he never forgot to send. It was in the tea he never forgot to make when Baekhyun was over at his apartment. And in the gummy smiles he gifted Baekhyun because he knew the brunette liked them. Loving Kyungsoo felt like an overwhelming weight in Baekhyun's chest. It weighed him down, keeping him grounded. Filling him up to the brim. Some times it felt like too much; Like it was the only thing that mattered.

Being loved by Kyungsoo was exactly the oppositive. It was like a summer breeze that lulled you to sleep. It was special, like a gift crafted just for you. It wasn't overwhelming. It was like a soft kiss, barely leaving a mark.

Kyungsoo wondered if other muses had felt like this. Like they could never possibly give back as much as they received. How did they cope with having someone so dedicated and utterly surrendered to you, that it fills them with so much love to the point that they overflow onto the pages? He didn't want to be idealised. He didn't want to be Baekhyun's inspiration, his name front and centre in the first line of the author's note. What grand gesture could match up to Baekhyun's own? 

It eventually got too much for Kyungsoo. The launch party further added to the weight in his chest. Every question thrown at him stung like a papercut. Everyone probed at him, trying to open him up. Wanting to know how he felt; If he was flattered; If he was equally as in love with Baekhyun. Did these people pity Baekhyun? For being with someone who didn't love him as much as he did? 

He felt like his hands were tied, and that everyone expected him to do something as grand. Except he didn't know how. Everything paled in comparison to the beautiful book Baekhyun had written for him.

That night Kyungsoo laid in bed and watched Baekhyun sleeping frame. Tears welled up in his eyes and he let out a shaky breath. What could he do? How could he ease the ache that spread throughout his chest, threatening to take over his whole body?

When Kyungsoo called Baekhyun over to his apartment he knew something was wrong. Kyungsoo had been acting weird for a while, but Baekhyun had been too distracted with the whole book ordeal to notice.

When he knocked he found the front door unlocked and quickly spotted Kyungsoo sitting on the couch, head in his hands.

"Soo? Baby, what's wrong?"

Baekhyun slowly approached his boyfriend, taking cautious steps, almost afraid to startle him. "My love, talk to me."

Kyungsoo raised his head, tearful eyes watched Baekhyun sit. "I-I can't."

"You can't what? What's wrong?"

"I can't love you like you love me." It looked as if it was painful for him to admit it.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel worthless, okay? I can't offer you grand gestures and flashy declarations of love. I don't know how to compete with you. I mean you wrote me a whole book. I should be over the fucking moon," His breathing was ragged and his speech was slurred, probably because of how hard he was trying to hold back his tears," but I'm not, okay? I feel awful because I can't love you like you deserve to be loved. You deserve beautiful poetry; You deserve more and I don't know how to give it to you."

It hurt Baekhyun. A sharp pain pierced through his chest, and his lungs felt like they were on fire. He wanted to hold Kyungsoo, to erase all his doubts and to settle the storm that brewed inside his head; But it probably wasn't the best thing to do right now. Instead, he chose to hold his lover's shaking hands tightly against his own chest. "Just because you don't go around writing me an epic romance or painting me a mural, immortalising my beauty, doesn't mean you don't love me as much as I love you. There's no quota to fill, darling. It's not a competition."

"Why don't you get it? I can't do it like you. I'm not all grand gestures and heartfelt declarations of love. That's not me, but it is you. This is a two-way street but I feel like you're walking too fast. I can't catch up to you. And I don't know if I ever will. I-I feel like I'll never be able to give you what you deserve." Kyungsoo felt like he was drowning, an overwhelming amount of frustration enveloping him like an ocean wave.

"This isn't an exchange, when will you understand that? This isn't a business deal. We didn't sign a contract agreeing on how this relationship would work. Tit for tat, love for love; It doesn't work like that. People feel things at different intensities and different speeds. I love hard and fast. I know I'm too intense some times, but I can't help it." Baekhyun tightened his hold on Kyungsoo's shaking hands. "You make me feel so overwhelmed with love, I feel like I'll explode if I don't let it out. I'm selfish, really. I love you for myself. I love how you make me feel. I love what I become when I'm with you. I love the art I create because of you." Salty tears painted his cheeks, and he felt like he was overflowing yet again. "I love everything about loving you. And I love everything about you. " 

Kyungsoo couldn't look him in the eye, choosing instead to watch their conjoined hands. "H-How can I compete with that?" It was merely a whisper, but to Baekhyun it was the loudest he had ever heard Kyungsoo speak.

"Darling, this isn't a competition. It's just how I feel. And I know you love me, Kyungsoo. I've never doubted that." Baekhyun was getting desperate, his breathing coming out ragged. "If anything, your love is more precious than mine. It's like a gift, something carefully crafted just for me. It's like that song you always hum, those mornings we spend in bed, while you trace the moles on my back. It's barely above a whisper, but it's so loud and it holds so much. I love that we love differently. I'm all grand gestures and you're all small displays. Kyungsoo don't you get it? Just the simple fact that you love me, even if it's just an ounce of the love I feel for you, is enough."

Kyungsoo's sunken cheeks glistened with tears. His eyes roamed Baekhyun's face, almost as if he was committing it to memory, and that made Baekhyun's heart wrench painfully in his chest.

Before Kyungsoo said anything he would come to regret, Baekhyun stood up, letting go of his hands. Kneeling in front of Kyungsoo's sitting frame, he carefully wiped away his tears. "I'll let you think. I'll give you space. I know I can be a little overwhelming." He caressed the other's soft cheekbones, letting his eyes drink in the sight that was Kyungsoo.

Standing up again, Baekhyun put on a soft smile. "I'll be back in a week so we can talk again. Think about what you want to do. I'll respect your decision, even if I want to fight for us. I don't want you to feel like you constantly have to catch up to me. Take a breather and think, my love."

That evening Baekhyun left Kyungsoo with a kiss of the forehead and an aching heart.

*

The thing about being in love is that the person you cherish starts residing at the back of your head. Always there, always looming. Some times they move up to the front when you're actively thinking about them, taking up more space. They move back when you go on about your daily life, peaking from time to time when you spot something that reminds you of them. No matter where they are, they're always there. Even when you don't want them to be.

Kyungsoo's initial plan for his Baekhyun-free week was to focus on his work and avoid thinking about his problems. And his first day was going according to plan until he accidentally wore one of Baekhyun's shirts to work and spent the whole day thinking about how much he liked Baekhyun in blue. His whole week was ruined.

He had never been the most sociable person, his phone being used only when he had an emergency or was bored. But ever since meeting Baekhyun his device was never this silent. Kyungsoo hated to admit it, but he felt like something was missing. Perhaps it was the routine of it all; Good morning texts graced his phone every day at the same time, putting a smile on his face for the rest of the day. Random pictures Baekhyun took throughout the day, whether it be of his food or a dog he saw on the streets, usually kept Kyungsoo company during his long work hours. No sporadic selfie to add to his ever-growing folder. His phone felt just as empty as his chest.

At night as he laid in bed wide awake, hands clutching the cold sheets beneath him, Kyungsoo realised all the warmth in his life left with Baekhyun. The brunette had always draped himself over Kyungsoo when they slept together, making sure the other never felt cold. When they walked around the park in the winter, he always held Kyngsoo's hands inside the pockets of his hoodies, making sure they were never freezing.

When Kyungsoo had a particularly rough day at work, Baekhyun would tackle him in bed, pull his shirt up and blow raspberries on his soft stomach until he cried laughing. Always making sure Kyungsoo was the happiest he could be.

All of Kyungsoo's plans of isolating himself until he had to face his problems were thoroughly ruined by the menace that was Sehun. Said public menace barged into his apartment on his day off and promptly parked his ass on Kyungsoo's precious new couch.

"Let's talk." The statement defied the very common grounds that established their mutual tolerance of each other- they didn't really talk.

"How about you talk to the police after I call them on your sorry ass?"

Sehun grinned and patted the empty spot next to him. "C'mon, you know I won't leave until you talk to me."

Huffing, Kyungsoo sat down next to the taller man, swatting him up the head in the process. "I don't have anything to say."

"Funny you say that. Your man sure did have a lot to say."

"Baekhyun talked to you?" He had introduced the two when the couple had run into Sehun at the park, but he didn't know the two were close.

"I found him moping at a coffee shop during my lunch break, so being the charitable king I am, I sat with him. Dude didn't even let me get one sip of my tea in before he started yapping about being a loser who drove you away." 

True to his selfish nature, Kyungsoo didn't really think about how Baekhyun had been spending their time apart. He knew the other had many friends to hang out with, and a much more exciting social life than Kyungsoo, so he just assumed he wasn't alone. It was surprising to hear that Baekhyun had been mopping around in public places.

"And? Did he invite you over to my house? That is the only logical explanation as to why you're here, desecrating my precious couch."

"That is not why I'm here, my darling Kyungsoo," bopping the shorter male in the nose, Sehun shuffled in his seat, trying to get comfortable," I know you have the emotional intelligence of a boulder, and I'm here to stop you from screwing up the best thing that has ever happened to you."

"I don't-" 

"So, you're gonna stop acting like a constipated little bitch and tell me what is going on inside that hard head of yours."

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to curse Sehun in tongues both of them didn't know, but the hard look that the taller gave him made him falter; A look that said there was no room for discussion.

"He wrote a book about me."

"I know, I've read it. Great stuff. Your man has a way with the words. Why is that a problem, though?"

"How do I put this in a way that makes sense?" Kyungsoo felt that the only reason he was able to get his point across to Baekhyun was that he was in what felt like an emotion-ridden daze. The words seemed to just fly out of his mouth.

"Try me. I'm feeling particularly intelligent today."

"I feel like I'm not enough, and I'll never be enough. I mean, how am I supposed to compete with this? He wrote me a god damn book. That's Baekhyun in there," His heavy gaze fell on the copy of his boyfriend's latest book that sat neatly on his bookshelf, "He's in there, so intensely and so raw. You've read what he wrote about me. He put me on such a high pedestal I don't think I can reach him from up there. How can I ever feel as much as he does? He deserves someone who loves him as much as he loves them. And I don't know if I can give him that, I-I don't even know if I'm capable of loving like that."

"But do you love him?"

"I do. But-"

"That's what matters. There's no way to measure love. It doesn't work like that. Love is too complicated for it to work like that." Sehun looked at him with a kind smile. "What matters is that you love him. And that he knows this. You don't need to write him a book to prove yourself. I may not know Baekhyun like you do, but I know you do enough for him; He knows you love him."

Kyungsoo was silent, his mind cooking up a storm. Sehun sensed this and took hold of his trembling hands. "People love in different ways. And at different paces. Baekhyun is an artist, you know how those fools are. He loves hard and fast. You're just taking a little longer, but I know he'll wait for you. As long as you go together, does it matter if one is running and the other is walking?"

"Am I overreacting?" Sehun put things so simply, making Kyungsoo feel extremely dumb.

"Absolutely not. It's very overwhelming. Loving an artist is hard. They feel a lot; Like a crazy amount. And it kind of makes you feel bad for not reciprocating as hardcore as they do."

"You seem to have experience in the matter." A sorrowful look took over Sehun's face. "Let's just say you weren't the first pretty boy to be a muse, and you won't be the last." Quickly recovering, he let out a chuckle. "Now you're gonna talk to Baekhyun and you're going to solve things. You need to think stuff through. Just don't break up with him right away, okay?"

"Thank you." In the 2 brief years of knowing each other, this had been the first time Kyungsoo really felt close to Sehun.

"Don't mention it. How about I stay and we have a girl's night in."

"How about you never say that again and leave in an hour?"

"Deal."

*

Kyungsoo, Baekhyun discovered, was the only thing keeping him from living only on junk food. Even before they were dating, Kyungsoo would pack him leftovers for him to eat while he stared blankly at his computer. And when they had gotten closer, the dark-haired man went as far as cooking him whole meals, made just for him. Baekhyun always pretended not to notice the growing amount of vegetables Kyungsoo tried to incorporate into the dishes. He knew the younger man wanted him to be healthier. His noodles suddenly tasted bitter.

His unanswered emails were ruthlessly mocking him. Answering emails had become something he did before bed when he slept over at Kyungsoo's or Kyungsoo slept over at his. Kyungsoo would cuddle up to him while Baekhyun absentmindedly skimmed through his inbox, commenting on which emails seemed the most important, and even offering possible responses. It was so domestically boring, but it was their nightly ritual; Something they did together. As Baekhyun quickly drafted an email to his editor, he thought about how Kyungsoo was doing. He knew the younger tended to bury himself in work when he was having a bad week, and Baekhyun hoped he was taking proper care of himself. Glancing at his phone, he pondered sending his boyfriend a quick text but quickly decided against it. "I told him I'd give him space to think. I have to respect that." 

Looking out the window he took notice of the sky. Sunsets had always been his favourite, while Kyungsoo prefered the sunrises. Quickly snapping a picture of the assortment of colours that gathered outside his window, he made a mental note to send it to Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun had made a habit of sending Kyungsoo random pictures throughout the day. Whether it be of random stuff he saw on the street or of delicious food he had when he went out with friends. And Kyungsoo never complained; Always responding with an emoji or a small text of appreciation. He took Baekhyun in stride, never acting like he was an annoyance.

Baekhyun was a go-getter. Had been one since he was a little kid. So it physically pained him to not march right up to Kyungsoo's apartment and shake him out of his funk. But he understood the other needed time to sort his thoughts out. A copy of  _ This Side of Paradise _ sat on his coffee table, mocking him. "You stupid book this is all your fault."

Unsurprisingly, the book remained silent, not gracing a disgruntled Baekhyun with an answer. "I need to learn to keep it in the drafts, for fuck's sake." He needed a drink.

*

Baekhyun was rightfully in a foul mood. It was Thursday of all days, it was raining, and he was about to get possibly dumped by the love of his life. He felt like a man on his way to execution, the drive to Kyungsoo's apartment seemed to go by slower.

"C'mon Baekhyun get a grip. He's not gonna break up with you." He must've looked like a crazy person, sitting in his car alone mumbling to himself. Getting out of the car, he checked himself out on the window of a neighbouring vehicle, quickly fixing his unruly hair. 

During the elevator ride up to Kyungsoo's floor, Baekhyun tried to get acquainted with the rapid speed of his heart, almost bruising his ribcage. Flashes of everything he loved the most about Kyungsoo coursed through his head. His fingers running through Baekhyun's hair; His lips stretched into a big gummy smile; The strawberry-scented candles he always had lit around his apartment; The feeling of his strong arms wrapped around Baekhyun's waist, keeping him grounded. He wouldn't give up all of this easily, he wasn't going down without a fight.

All courage seemed to leave him when Kyungsoo opened his door for him, face showing no emotion. As they sat down on the couch, Kyungsoo cracked a small smile, trying to ease the tension that had settled in the room.

Facing Baekhyun and carefully holding hands in his, Kyungsoo exhaled "So-" 

Baekhyun screwed his eyes shut, bracing himself for the pain that was probably about to come. "Please make it quick and painless, I'm too old to cry like a little bitch." 

A soft chuckle startled him and he carefully opened one eye, only to see Kyungsoo trying to hold back laughter.

"Baekhyun, look at me." Shaking his head childishly, Baekhyun whined. "No." 

"I'm serious. Look at me when I speak to you." Kyungsoo's tone left no room for disagreement. Baekhyun opened both of his eyes and stared at the younger man in front of him. He looked worn out, but his eyes held a new glint, something Baekhyun hoped to figure out.

Clearing his throat, Kyungsoo paused, as if searching for the right words to use.

"I stand by what I said; Love Is a two-way street. But maybe we can walk it at different speeds. One can run and the other can walk. As long as we're on the same path, it's fine with me."

Baekhyun felt like he could finally breathe, the tension he had accumulated the past week leaving him in waves. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that." He hugged Kyungsoo to his chest, holding him so tightly, scared he would disappear if he ever let go.

A mumbled 'I can't breathe, baby' made him release the shorter male, who just chuckled fondly. Chuckle that was quickly muffled when Baekhyun pulled him in into a searing kiss. He felt like he starved man getting to eat for the first time in a long time. Their lips moved languidly, both basking in the intimacy. When Kyungsoo pulled away, Baekhyun followed him with a whine, rubbing his nose alongside the younger's.

"Let me finish, darling." Kyungsoo's voice sounded deeper than usual, and it took all of Baekhyun's self-control not to jump him right then and there.

Clearing his throat, Kyungsoo avoided the other's heated gaze." Maybe you were right. Maybe I am just as in love with you. I've never needed many people to be happy. I lived comfortably in my own bubble, cruising life with unattachment, with no cares. But you made me care. You made me care enough that it drove me up the wall the mere thought that I wasn't giving you all that it's rightfully yours. 

I have to take it in stride, you're a whirlwind, Byun. And you're shaken up my bubble to the point that I don't know if I'm standing upright. I just need to adjust to the constant bustle that it is to love you. It's so overwhelming it numbed me. Because you're the first face I think about in the morning, even when you're not there. And you have become the only person I missed.

I know I can't write you the most beautiful poem. I can't be Dante, but that's okay because you're not Beatrice. You're not a mirage of a perfect human. You're Baekhyun, and you're very much real- just like what I feel for you."

"You say you're not a poet Do Kyungsoo, but that sounded pretty poetic to me." He chuckled, trying to discretely wipe his tears away but Kyungsoo caught his hand, interlocking their fingers together.

"I'm sorry I freaked out on you," he kissed Baekhyun's knuckles"I admit I could've handled it better."

"It's okay, Soo. I kind of threw a book at you and expected you to know how to handle it with a concussion."

Kyungsoo smiled at him, brushing a stray bang from Baekhyun's eyes. "It's okay, baby."

"Okay, but does this mean I can't write more books about you? It's just that this one was a success, and if I'm saving up for a diamond ring I gotta birth at least three more of these."

The 'shut up' Baekhyun was expecting never came; Kyungsoo choosing instead, to shut him up with a kiss.

* 

Baekhyun had indeed pushed 3 more books out before buying Kyungsoo a diamond ring. They had not all been about Kyungsoo, though he had been a very participant in their making. His words of comfort and warm cups of tea at 5 AM did as much for the creation of the literary pieces as Baekhyun's allnighters did. 

Kyungsoo was still his muse, his inspiration. One could find pieces of him in Baekhyun's work. He hid them very well, but Kyungsoo's smile after reading his novels told him the other found his hidden love letters. It was the discreet way that let him keep his grand gestures. Baekhyun would always be a drama queen, but they had learned to compromise.

They had allowed each other passage into their lives; Turns out it's much nicer to share your bubble with someone else. They were still alone, as much as they had been before knowing each other. But now they did it together. Walking the same path, and even if Baekhyun tended to tug too harshly on Kyungsoo's hand, each walking at their own speed.

Kyungsoo had confessed to him he had once been scared of being just a pitstop in Baekhyun's path. Something that Baekhyun loved so fervently in the present, but that he couldn't see in his future. One of those big, but ephemeral, loves that authors go through; A nameless love affair in a foreign country. Nothing but a temporary muse- a source of inspiration with an expiration date. 

Kyungsoo wasn't the type of person you love half-assedly. He left a mark. Not a painful one; The mark he left was so incredibly soft, but it would last forever. Baekhyun had always hated the word forever. It seemed frivolous and overused. Forever didn't exist. It was a concept invented by hopeless romantics, trying to make peace with the fact that they wouldn't always be in love. But with Kyungsoo he felt forever in the now. Every kiss, every touch, every unspoken promise; It was forever for them. 

They had left a mark on each other, and it would stay with them until they died; And until the Earth was eventually swallowed by the Sun and everything mankind ever knew was destroyed, they would exist in their own forever. Infinitely connected.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading


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